true power.

true power is when one person can effect the way we interact across the globe; the way we speak, the way we eat, and even the way we listen. what a relief it is to have hope restored and faith renewed. it's good to know that it only takes one good strategic push to get things rolling, and the more i watch and listen the more i begin to see the fruits of that courageous effort towards change. it really amazes me to see how far we've come already. i mean, when a black man can walk along side a white woman and not be reminded of the dreadful happenings of Emmet Till you know we've come a long way. when white tears are shed in honor of the triumphant success of a black man and not be reminded of that the black man was once looked at as "strange fruit" you know we've come a long way. or even when our trust and focus has been commanded by the "underdog" and not be reminded that the "underdog" had no voice before now that you know we've come a long way. that to me is true power. when someone can persuade you to forget your original foundation to take one a new ideal and trust that this one is the correct one. yes, that is true power. the power of influence.

..continued from prior post

some may say that there are levels of commitment when it comes to terms of endearment. for instance, when you're in your first stages of "talking" you tend you use the title of 'boo', then it slowly blossoms into 'babe' and 'baby'. next you may or may not proceed to leap the giant leap out of the remedial-ness of 'level 1 and 2' and into the more attention required 'level 3' and the commitment required 'level 4'. now things are becoming more official and you begin to use the titles of 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'. hmm.. you find yourself in this area for a while, or better yet until you can gage your level of comfort. and once you decide that things aren't so bad here and you've seemed to have gotten the hang of "committing" you stake your claim! and what was then your 'boo' has just become 'wifey' or 'hubby'.

..it's all a game. just roll with it.

boo, baby, boyfriend, husband..

smh. the dating scene is a trip.

so after you've finally built up the strength to leave that blood-sucking relationship of yours, you feel left with one of two questions: "did this really just happen?" and "what do i do now?" it's so easy to fall into what is called the hero syndrome; where you quickly try and replace what you just lost with the first 'nice' person that comes across your path. so what do you do? you wait it out. allowing yourself the proper time to regroup and rebuild your independence. because the last thing you dream about is taking part in another failed relationship. another reason to not get too involved and not to let yourself go to just anyone. but all the while the thought of creating a new 'soul tie' makes you cringe because to you that would mean giving up your new found freedom. the freedom you never had before, yet you always wondered about. the freedom that makes you feel like you're in control because you have no one else's feelings to think about but your own. you're now at a point where you're taking nothing too seriously, but are rather keeping things simple, playful, flirtatious, and maybe even a little lustful. however, the thought of another "boo" begins to irritate you because it's all starting to become so redundant. you realize you've heard the same line, just from a different guy on a different night. and after a while it all starts becoming almost predictable, like a game you've seemed to have mastered or a movie you've seen a million times; you know all the moves and all the things to say, because you've heard it all before. it is then when you realize that every one's a player! every one's playing in the same game of choosing. but how do you know who won? are there levels you must master to proceed on?

..to be continued

imprisonment.

to me to be in prison is to be in a place where you feel trapped and controlled. i almost feel compelled to say that to experience someone that is locked away, eats away at the heart as if you just heard that they had died. i mean even though they are still alive; walking and breathing, you can't see them whenever you chose, you can't hug them, you can't call them up to go hang out, you can't randomly swing by their house and pop in on them.. no, none of that. instead, you stare at the spot where they slept, you wait up for them to indulge in the usual late night chat, you keep preparing yourself to run into them at the familiar kick it spots.. but none of that happens either because they're not there anymore. they're not walking amongst us common folk anymore, they've been separated.. placed in a realm different from our own daily scenario. but just before you get use to living without them, you have to keep reminding your heart to wait. wait on that loss of hope, wait on that need to replace what was lost, wait on moving on. because the the only difference between death and imprisonment is that at any point they can be set free, granted a second wind and returned to pick up where they left off.

lovers vs. friends

some people will always be together. no matter how hard they try to claim their singleness, they are forever tied to at least one person. for most of the people my age it's the high school sweetheart.. the one that first taught us how to love someone outside of our immediate family, yet also the first one that taught us never to trust wholeheartedly again. smh. so why is it so hard to completely break away? is it because we get so comfortable in the things and people we already know and are familiar with? or is it because we will truly and honestly forever love that special ONE? i look around amongst my peers and the couples from high school that are still together to this day are still going strong, whereas the one's that have "broken up" play it off as if they're "not together" on the surface yet still have some deep connection that is so obvious yet they keep denying it. it's like what Chamar Moore says in my favorite movie of all time, A Diary of A Mad Black Woman, he says that "when you really love someone, you can't just be their friend." So True. i mean, no matter how hurt you felt during your break up, or how infatuated you become with the next person.. it will never replace that first true love.. and for most people that's something that's just too hard to admit.

take away a man's heart..

the most anticipated album of the year (i would say) being Kanye West's 808s & Heartbreaks was probably one the most revealing Cd's I've heard. it's obvious that he has experienced some life changing obstacles between the release of his last CD Graduation that produced uplifting songs like "The Good Life" and "Stronger" to his latest CD which includes songs like "See You In My Nightmare" and "Paranoid". i mean what happens when you take away a man's heart? not their literal heart, but the things that they long for.. the things or people that keep them going, that encourage them, that love them. Kanye lost both his mother and his fiance basically within the same year.. two very important people in his life! Now this is not a post about Kanye West but rather a reminder that we as people rely on each other in every aspect. for most of us all we need is to be in that one "special" person's presence and everything will be alright.. it's like the world is minuscule compared to our connection with our selected few. whether it be people or material possessions, I've witnessed a few individuals lose the things that meant the most to them and it sadly drove them to their own demise; whether it be depression or a series of misfortunes.. it's like kids who become "troubled kids" due to the disappearance of quality parents or role models or whatever the case may be. we all need one another, whether we'd like to admit it or not. we become apart of someone elses means of survival..

Intro

Welcome. I've been gone for a while; working and living life, yet missing that seldom opportunity to release my thoughts and feelings through blogging. I created this new blog because i felt it was relevant, due to the fact that it's a new year and I've just stepped into a new phase in my life called "young adulthood" and therefore felt the need to leave behind old drama, old thoughts, old Erica. Because i am not the same Erica that i use to be, life got to me. People have disappointed me, steered me in the wrong direction, tempted me to try things their way, and have made some strong impacts on the shape of my character. I'm at a point of realization, where i can admit that i have changed and have been influenced. i mean i speak differently, dress differently, walk differently, listen and hear things differently. I've changed! and it's OK because I'm comfortable with this change. i feel like I'm finally figuring things out, finally getting a grasp on what makes me happy and content, what i need to do to make my dreams come true, what my dreams are. i thank all those that have hurt me, put me in a bad spot, betrayed me, lied to me, manipulated me, and even those that love(d) me.. because without them, i wouldn't know what to stay away from. what those "red flags" look like, what to look out for.

so with that, I've started the year off fresh on many levels. not just through these Internet communication tools like facebook, myspace, AIM, and twitter.. but all the things that i take in and consume on a physical level and relational. motivated to leave my childhood behind.. leaving childhood hurts, childhood fantasies, and childhood wants all in the past..

Welcome to Erica-Lindsay's new world. a world of beautiful realities and vibrant outlooks.