is it me..

..or do they all look alike?

stuck

what do you do when no one's telling you what you want to hear? sure, in your mind you know exactly what you want out of life. but for some reason you just can't find the words to express yourself to others and as a result they don't understand where you're coming from, nor do they understand what it is you want. they can only tell you what they see and want for you; since to them it seems like you're still having some trouble with decision making and are in need of some help. but who cares about them and what they think? who are they to judge? i mean they're only the people that effect our every motive, our every move and strategy. but yet "they" are our friends, our coworkers, our parents and grandparents, the people that mean the most to us and subconsciously we take into consideration every word of input, every frown of disagreement, and every nod in agreement. yet still we know what we want. we know how we envision ourselves talking, dressing, walking, and living. we know what it takes to reach that place of self-satisfaction, but for some reason we all aim to please.. as sad as it is. 

cherish.

they say life is short and that you don't know what you've got until it's gone; which is all true, but i think it's much deeper than that. lately I've had a lot of things to think about; mainly about life in general and what's really important. one of my closest friends was recently incarcerated, which too me is equivalent to them being sentenced to death because their life is now in someone elses hands and their freedom has been stripped away. they can no longer roam amongst the free, we can no longer bust random missions together, nor could we indulge in late night conversations - but yet their still alive. it's crazy! and on top of that, one of the most vibrant people I've ever known recently passed away and all i could think was "wow, what is there to smile about now?" but there's a lot. there's the memories, the people that carry those memories, and the people who you continue to build memories with. all this has taught me to cherish the ones i love and couldn't see myself living without. and even though i miss my two friends (despite the circumstances) i catch my eyes welling up every time i think about them. however, simultaneously i am reminded to look around and to further embrace my blessings, for which i am thankful.

R.I.P. Diron Rivers - May your smile carry on through our own.

..and to all those with incarcerated friends and family, i know it's not easy but stay strong.

short & sweet.

ok. valentines day sucks [when you're single]. i feel like as the day approaches, you conveniently notice more couples that are just so cute it makes you sick, you hear more love songs that you oddly find yourself relating to, and you realize that you're single and have no valentine. so you begin to reach into that pocket of "good" memories you've got stored away that will remind you of the times when you were loved, felt loved, was needed, and was that someone special. but all of these past thoughts just takes you back to your current status and you think "what happened to that?" we all want love. we all want to experience a love outside of that immediate parental love. we all want that relational love, emotional love, intimate love. (sigh) thank God this day only happens once a year!